Li'l Squirt breaks taboos

INTERVIEW NOTES
Title: Everything you ever wanted to know about the Li’l Squirt and were afraid to ask.
Date: October 2, 2008

This is an interview with Li’l Squirt aka Carol's stoma.

QUESTION 1: HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME?

Reply: Li’l Squirt is a term of endearment for a kid. Typically they are mischievous, one never knows what they are going to do, and they can be a bit embarrassing and forever up to something. I on the go all day and all night….24/7.

QUESTION 2: WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

Reply: I’m kind of like the person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Only in Carol’s case she wears her bum on her belly. Carol does make me a neat little tent on her stomach. That’s where I hang out (excuse the pun).


QUESTION 3: DESCRIBE YOUR TENT FOR ME.
Reply: Typically Carol begins like we all do when picking a campsite. We clean up all the debris lying around…in my site its usually glue and other shit (catch that pun?) that I won’t go into. First we put down a ground cover called an Eakin Seal. We have to make sure it’s warmed up because then it sticks better. We put it nice and close to where I am so the tent can be pitched perfectly above me. Then we get out what would be the floor of the tent (which is called a flange) and put it down so that it covers the ground sheet (Eakin Seal). Then comes my beige coloured test. We place that over the floor of the tent which has a round ring embedded in it. We have to line the tent up perfectly with the ring on the floor once we have there is a perfect little click sound…music to our ears. And like all tents its very important to peg me down so I don’t move around. Well we can’t use pegs obviously. So on my tent I have a little white lock that secures me to the floor of the tent. And viola I’m up!!! I feel secure and cozy in my tent. Its waterproofed with a plastic material on the inside and a beige canope over the top. What is neat is once we turn the gas on (get that one?) the tent warms up in a jiffy. Toasty.

You’ve heard of a philatelist well I’m a bit of a collector myself. I’m what you call a flatulanist. And if you can imagine having a balloon taped to your belly then you have a good idea of what my tent looks like after a good day of collecting. Carol tires of my collection and unlocks the tent and all my farts escape. This summer while in Muskoka I endeavoured to convince Carol the value of my collection. With a solid collection of flatulence I am the perfect PFD…. great for canoeing and swimming. She didn’t go for it. I think there's a niche market out there. I've applied to go on the Dragon's Den but don't tell Carol.


QUESTION 4: SO HOW HAS LIFE BEEN LIVING WITH CAROL?

Reply: Initially it was horrid. She didn’t want anything to do with me. And she hurtfully called me “hideous”. I felt like a third leg…an unwanted appendage. We were in constant battle and I own up I retaliated by giving her shit (excuse the pun) more than once. I went up one side of her and down the other. And many a times I glued her pubes! Now we get along better…oh she still has her days when she can’t stand to look at me and I admit sometimes while she’s asleep I take the opportunity to let my flatulanist side come out. (yet another pun). My tent is like a helium balloon and comes off its mooring. Inevitably that’s when the shit hits the fan between us. She wakes up and well the rest she’s already told you about. What can I say…I come by my name honestly….and I do enjoy getting a new tent.


QUESTION 5: THANK YOU FOR YOUR CANDOR IS THERE ANYTHING YOU’D LIKE TO ADD?
Reply: Well there was this one time when I caught this MAMMOTH SIZE GREAT BIG FART and


INTERVIEWER: OH I’M SORRY WE’VE RUN OUT OF TIME.